Deliverance House

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My house is cursed. Surely I have pissed off a witch or warlock in recent years…It’s the only thing that would explain the events that have occurred this year in my 1998 house. Nothing surprises me anymore in regards to the damned place crumbling at my cankles. If I were to wake up with my panties on my head and an eyebrow shaved off I’d just lay in the knowing that the cursed house has acted-a-fool again.

Some months ago, I walked into our home office to see a wave of water flow out from under the wall that shares our shower. Evidently the pipe decided to take a vacation whilst the shower pan decided she was not going to take up the slack. Luckily I have been an excellent insurance customer with no claims and I called it in. So, I needed plumbing work, wall remediation, carpentry and new carpet and pad in the office. My deductible was $1000. The adjuster said the cost of the repairs was $999. Really, dude? As you can see, The carpet got cut away and not replaced and everything else was on our dime too. Great.

We’ve been hearing the pitter patter of little feet. Nope, no one has had a baby… there is something (or a family or Klan of somethings) living in our attic. Why is it that no one is concerned but me?! I keep thinking they’ll come out of an a/c vent at me and I’ll die of heart failure, that they are multiplying and using my attic as a port-a-pooper and that sometimes the footsteps are so large that I swear it’s a baby Bullafuss up there! I laid 12 feet worth of glue traps, 6 traps, a cage, poison enough to make Shaque woozy and I caught two rats. I think the monsters put the rats in the traps just to throw me. They are up there in the attic eating the Cheeze Doodles that went missing last week and watching the iPad that I can’t find and having a big ol’ time up there.

Lastly, I started making this list of needed fixing and maintenance issues in hopes to guilt the hubs into helping me get shit fixed. Evidently he only saw it as a game because he was damned-near-tickled-to-death to shout, “Hey! Add cabinet door magnets to the list!” last night. What have I done?

So hells bells y’all, let me go get on my tool belt (duct tape, zip ties and E-6000) and blow torch and take care of some of this mess.

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4 thoughts on “Deliverance House

  1. I truly admire your work given by God…but CAN I make a suggestion? Can you not curse in your posts so much..it just cheapens you. It just hurts my heart as a GOD lover to hear such a talented woman that GOD has blessed you with…to just portray as a “rough, non-caring” woman about what your followers think of you. Thank you for taking the time out to read & possibly consider this. Personally I feel your stories are funny but they don’t have to include curse words..it doesn’t make your posts any more worthy…just “LESS”
    God Bless You.

    • I may not be the blog that you want to read. My colorful, albeit “cheapened” manner may not be for you. I am surprised you even finished reading the post and felt the need to use your time to make an unsolicited suggestion to me. Let me correct you by saying that I care very much about my followers and use my writing to give people a chuckle. I am not compensated in any way and I love making bad days better for others who enjoy my tone and tales (hence the post). I may be simple, but my God has room for bawdy gals in heaven just as he does the self-righteous people who feel the need to tear others down and name-call in the name of being a “GOD lover.” Now, in the spirit of reciprocation, may I make a suggestion to you? Would you consider not posting a lesson to someone online or a refrain from judging? It cheapens…everything.

  2. Thank you for being you Shabby Chic Addiction! YOU and YOUR HUMOR are exactly why I take the time to read your posts, whether here or on FB. Never once, NOT EVER, have I as one of your “followers” thought of you as a ““rough, non-caring” woman”! What a horribly judgmental thing to think and then have the audacity to say about a fellow human being simply because they have a more colorful language than you do. It is exactly that kind of closed minded, crammed into a itty bity box, hypercritical thinking that hurts my heart! Please do not ever change your writing style, it is part of your personality and one of the things your true “followers” embrace and love. Sheesh now we send like a cult. ;o) ~Hugs and Smooches~

    • Thank you so much for the support, Karen. I debated replying to the comment but feel like I finally needed to stand up for myself against bullyish (dressed in Sunday school clothing) comments. It makes me so happy that you have stuck around to giggle with me!

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